So, the Southern Park Mall in Boardman is having a little…hiccup. "Operational safety concerns," they say. Right. That's corporate speak for "we're circling the drain," isn't it?
You know, I was just at a mall last week, and the food court was like a ghost town. Remember when malls were the place to be? Now it's all Amazon and…well, I guess that's it. Just Amazon.
Mike Kohan, the mall owner, is conveniently "not returning calls." Shocker. The guy's delinquent on tax payments, and a County Commissioner is already calling him out as "not a good player." Not a good player? That's putting it mildly. Sounds like a freakin' disaster.
"These residents are concerned right now, we have people frustrated over this mall," says some Boardman trustee candidate, Cody McCormick. No freakin' duh, Cody. People are losing their jobs, businesses are getting screwed... and this Kohan guy is probably off on his yacht somewhere, laughing all the way to the bank. Or, more likely, to bankruptcy court.
And what's with this "operational safety concerns" BS? Did a support beam give way? Asbestos scare? Or did too many tumbleweeds roll through the food court and management had to address the "dust bunny hazard?" Southern Park Mall to reopen Monday afternoon after 'operational
McCormick says the mall is on "life support." He wants accountability. From local leadership? From the mall owner? Good luck with that, buddy. Politicians are gonna politick, and Kohan seems about as accountable as a toddler with a box of crayons.
Then again, maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe there really were "operational safety concerns." Maybe a rogue Roomba went haywire and started attacking shoppers. Or maybe…nah, who am I kidding? This is about money. It's always about the money.
I'm getting flashbacks to the time my landlord tried to blame a leaky roof on "unforeseen atmospheric conditions." Give me a break.
So, what's next? The mall limps along for a few more months, maybe a year? Kohan declares bankruptcy, skips town with whatever assets he can salvage, and the town is stuck with a giant, empty eyesore. Wonderful. That's progress, I guess.
The Boardman Fire Department truck sitting outside the mall is the perfect metaphor for the whole situation. They're there, ready to put out the fire, but the fire's already engulfed the whole damn building.
This isn't just about a mall closing. It's about the death of the American dream, the slow decay of everything we thought was permanent. It's about greed, incompetence, and the inevitable march of progress…or whatever the hell this is.
